Pizza Guys Hitting 100 Locations? Wake Me When They Dethrone Domino's.
Okay, Another Pizza Chain... So What?
Alright, alright, another pizza chain hitting the big 1-0-0. Pizza Guys, huh? California-based. Good for them, I guess. I'm supposed to be impressed? Look, there's a new "fast-casual" pizza joint popping up on every corner these days. It's like the frozen yogurt craze of '09 all over again. Remember that? No? Maybe I'm just getting old...
They're expanding to Texas? Big deal. Texas is basically the land of "everything's bigger," including the number of mediocre chain restaurants. So, they're adding another 149 locations there. Color me unimpressed. According to Watch Out, Domino's: This California-Born Pizza Chain Is Growing Fast, Pizza Guys is indeed expanding rapidly.
"Number Two on Yelp"? Please...
Oh, and they're number two on Yelp's Top 25 Pizza Chains in America? Give me a freakin' break. Yelp is basically a popularity contest run by people who think leaving a detailed review about the temperature of their coffee makes them a food critic. Let's be real, who even trusts Yelp anymore? It's all about who pays for the best placement, not who actually makes the best pizza.
And $1.2 million average unit volume? Sounds like a lot, right? Well, let's do some math here. How much of that is profit? What are their overhead costs? What's their average employee retention rate? Oh wait, nobody's talking about that, are they? We're just supposed to swallow the PR fluff and cheer them on? No thanks.
Meanwhile, I'm still trying to figure out why my local pizza place charges me extra for anchovies. Seriously, what's that about?
MoCo's Pizza Scene: Actually Interesting
Okay, okay, enough cynicism for a minute. There's another article about Maryland pizzerias making the "Best Pizza Places in D.C." list. Now that's something I can sink my teeth into. Five places in Montgomery County? Inferno Pizzeria Napoletana, M&N's Pizza, AP Pizza, Andy's Pizza, and Red Hound Pizza? Never heard of most of 'em.
But the description of Red Hound Pizza—"naturally leavened doughs and locally sourced ingredients, offering a farm-to-table approach"—that actually sounds promising. Finally, something that ain't just another cookie-cutter franchise slinging greasy cardboard. Maybe I should actually get out of my apartment sometime and try some real pizza.
But still, this whole "Pizza Guys" thing... I'm just not buying it. They expect us to believe this nonsense, and honestly...
